As a psychologist that works with children, adolescents, and parents, I hope I’ve been able to observe some general trends and patterns in the common challenges we face in society.
Before the COVID crisis, the psychological community frequently heard comments such as children and families are overscheduled and frazzled, having little time for unstructured moments to participate in play, shared family interactions that build relationships, and for connection to our environment and nature. Children and their parents often feel driven to strive towards performance-based goals—fantastic academic grades, mastery of academic, athletic, and musical abilities, and participation in a wide range of activities all at once. In families with financial means and education, a strength can turn into a weakness: striving for success. We are constantly striving. In the ongoing need to improve ourselves and our children, to demonstrate that we are seeking better education and outcome for our families, we are forever busying ourselves—taking on more tasks, more activities. However, there is a question as to whether this improves the quality of their education or our collective lives; does this result in a pay-off in our immediate well-being or long-term benefit in the colleges/universities our children attend or the careers they pursue? Current research suggests that the link between these two factors becomes shaky and unclear as we pile on more and more activities and there is a tipping point when there is no longer a benefit to intense overscheduling and participation in extracurriculars and enrichment.
In this context, COVID-19 has arrived, transforming the way we live in a few short weeks. Parents are now in an intense pressure cooker, working from home and attempting to act as teachers, attempting to drag their children through lessons and assignments throughout the school day. Students and their parents are logging and out of classes all day (often with multiple children in one household), maintaining a demanding schedule of courses and assignments while also managing their children’s level of motivation, hunger, frustration, and engagement. The chances of burnout, exhaustion, and conflict for all members of the family is quite high. Many families are reporting these symptoms and increasing distress.
There is an interesting conflict here. It seems that this could be an opportunity to for us all to take a breath. Perhaps even a unique benefit to slow our hurried pace and dare I say it, shed our modern obsession with “busying ourselves.” Could we embrace, even temporarily, a sloth-like, Sunday- afternoon-in-the-summer attitude toward tackling our daily lives rather than the need to constantly strive? We may see benefits for all.
First, I want to point out that school districts are feeling pressure to meet standards for providing education and parents are understandably concerned and nervous about their children receiving adequate instruction. However, the truth is temporarily, education, whether provided online, by parents, or with the assistance by virtual tutors, cannot be continued maintaining the same standards as it was prior to the COVID. As a society, we are “making due” in a time of crisis. No one is happy about this, including myself as a mental health provider who works with the educational system. But that does not change anything. Unfortunately, what seems to have not changed either is the sense of urgency and pressure families feel in managing their daily lives, including their children’s education.
Making parents managers of their education and attempting to provide instruction in untested online teaching formats, places enormous pressure on families and teachers to acquire skills and cover academic material in an inappropriate manner. Instead, can we spend this time developing other abilities and emphasizing human connections among family, something that is so hard to maintain with our rushed lifestyles?
Research has shown that executive function skills in preschool and elementary school-age students predict academic achievement in high school far better than academic skills in early grades. Executive functions refer to a set of skills that allow us to organize our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in order to achieve goals.
We are toiling away, fixated on children’s mastering academic skills in ways that seem counterproductive at this time–parents are not educators. In addition, best practices in online instructional methodologies, especially for younger age groups, have not been established, which represents a huge barrier to success implementation of remote learning. Can we instead shift to embracing other skills and values that still build important abilities such as fostering creativity, problem solving abilities, bonds with family members, and connection to nature and the environment? These have been proven to build executive function skills, concentration, and well-being, which are all linked to better academic success.
I am not saying that children’s academic development is not put at risk by this pandemic. It certainly is and this is very unfortunate. However, as parents and educators, we may be emphasizing the wrong activities, as they may have limited ability to build academic skills and in fact, raise levels of anxiety, stress, and frustration within the home. We may not be able to really address this loss in learning until our children can return to the classroom. I know this is hard to swallow. However, parents and families can be better served to emphasize different kinds of hands-on activities into their daily lives that can still build important cognitive abilities.
- Learning a New Skill: This could be a time for children to learn a new skill that focuses on building problem solving or creativity. For example, strategy games such as learning to play chess, which involves reasoning skills is linked to better ability to plan and follow through on tasks. Learning how to play an instrument fosters creativity and planning and organization skills. Engaging in artistic projects, learning how to make recipes in the kitchen, gardening projects, etc., can all engage these abilities.
- Getting Physical: Making sure that children have opportunities to move their bodies, exercise, and release physical energy is very important. This clearly has benefits to physical health but can also improve mood, concentration, and energy level. It also provides children with the opportunity to engage in play, which also encourages creativity, opportunities with to use imagination, problem solving skills, and just plain enjoyment.
- Connection to Nature: Spending time outdoors allows us to make a connection with nature and our physical environment, something that we often lack in modern society. Taking walks, riding bikes, and playing games outside are just a few examples of the many activities we can participate in. Regularly spending both structured and unstructured time outside has been linked to improved ability to pay attention and lower stress and anxiety in children and adults.
- Connection to Family: With all of the commitments and demands on our time, it is often difficult to prioritize spending time with family member and nurturing these connections. While it would appear that the COVID crisis would allow us more free time, in speaking to many families, it actually has not; they are trying to manage working from home, providing educational support for children, maintaining typical household responsibilities (e.g., laundry, meals), and the emotional stress of this time (e.g., worrying about finances, health, etc.). Setting aside time to spend with family is crucial to maintaining well-being and coping with stress. Organizing simple activities such as game or movie nights, playing in the backyard, and cooking meals together. This may be an opportunity for family members to learn a new skill or hobby together.
- Gratitude: Finally, I want to take a moment to recognize that there are many families who do lack the socioeconomic resources to even access academic instruction such as online learning. They are underserved by their school districts, have limited access to appropriate healthcare and nutrition, and are greater risk for contracting COVID and suffering poor health outcomes. This is also a moment to consider sharing with others in need, either through donating our time, talents, or financial resources. Many have demonstrated their generous spirt in numerous ways (e.g., making masks, contributing to food pantries, etc.). Research has consistently shown that feeling gratitude and giving to others has both physical and psychological benefits; it is linked to lower levels of anxiety, depression, higher life satisfaction, and overall better health.